The Meaning of Family

I have been going to this college for six years now I am in my final semester.  I moved out of a family members house for the summer to basically get away from said family member so I could retain my sanity.  Now I have been put into a position where I am required to move back into this house with the my uncle Hogurt I already feel like he & other members of my extended family are judging me by staying at this house.  It has a stipulation that once the fall semester is over I move out permanently.  I have agreed to this.  I plan to be done & put this awful half a decade behind me.  College has made me not only jade against the idea of system of higher education but also of idea of family.  I have lived with my extended family for six years now & the whole situation feels similar to that of when my family lived in Utah.  Out there we were viewed as outsiders because we were not L.D.S.  I am under the impression that I have already been weighed, measured & been found wanting by my extended family that I feel they just want to be rid of me; well let me tell you the feeling is mutual.  Some of my family members have more class & tact then others & it shows in the way they interact with me while others are just downright rude.  I look around some of their homes & I don't see any pictures of my immediate family.  Which leads me to believe that it is not just me but my entire immediate family that my extended family has a problem with.  This experience has made me realize that the only thing I have in common with my extended family is a shared last name & I intend to keep it that way come the new year.

Good Times

Last Friday I started a week long vacation away from work & back at home with real folks instead of the fake & pretentious people of the college town I currently live in.  Once back home I got back down to the basics hanging out with family helping out with the chores.  I had to get a ton of work done like arranging a summer class to take, looking for a second job & so on.  But one think I also wanted to get done while I was at home was to get together with friends.  I stopped by my old job & said hello to some old coworkers it felt strange being back & not having to work at the campground.  I also met up with Brandon for lunch at Subway one day & then later I met up with Elise that same day for dinner.  The next day I met up with Dan for lunch at a new pizza place in town.  I was even able to cram in two doctor's appointments during the week, go see the new Superman movie with my brother & sister & run into several other friends throughout week.  Overall this was an awesome week & I wouldn't trade it for anything.  

What Have I Got to Lose

I woke up this morning & I was already fifteen minutes late for work before my feet hit the floor.  By the time I got to work I was a half hour late.  Today kinda sucked since I was still disappointed that I was not chosen as one of the new managers.  I'm not mad at either of the people that were chosen it is not their fault they were each qualified.  I'm primarily upset with the upper management of the theater due to decision making skills.  I am sure this ranting will pass in a few days its just that I assumed that I was shoe in for the position & since this is the second time I have been passed up for this position I have come to the realization that its not going to happen at this job,  Paper work is currently going through to give me a lesser promotion that I feel is somewhat of a placation but if I can't have my first choice I take the second.  Anyway while I was a work today this really beautiful young woman walked in the theater with her resume in hand & filled out an application.  I think she is college student she looks older than most of the girls working there.  I have to say I wouldn't mind asking her out even though my first instinct is to never ask out a girl you work with but I have crossed that line before so that's nothing new.  The second issue is does she fall within the five year gap because if she doesn't she's off limits otherwise it would just be creepy.  As of today though I don't even know her name all I know is that she is beautiful & has that country girl next door look.  But there is another girl I've thought about asking out, she works at my bank see her every week when I go to deposit my paycheck, another reason not to get direct deposit.  She looks more like the art history comic nerd type glasses & all.  I think I'd have a shot with that is unless she is already seeing anybody but I didn't see a ring on her finger.  I don't know what I am waiting for I am not getting any younger I think its about time I take back my social life & get serious.  

Freedom Is Not All Its Cracked Up To Be

It has been two days now that I have officially been Hoj free since 2008 but I will say this though freedom has its price every time.  I gave up a rent free home, with a larger room that I shared with one roommate & a short commute to a part time job for an apartment that is not rent free, with two roommates, & a commute that takes twice the time.  I still feel that I have come out on top, but even after two days I feel that there are somethings that I would nitpick over if I had a chance.  The apartment could stand a cleaning & some organization, but I know this is only short term for summer so I can live with that.  The second thing is I don't smoke where as both my new roommates though not smokers of cigarettes or cigars do enjoy a couple hits of the bong each night.  My roommates are aware that I don't smoke & they don't press the matter further which I respect but I still don't like the smell.  This has further cemented the fact that I know I will never be truly at peace living with someone until I find that one in million girl out there.  But at this time I look forward to the day that I have a place to myself & myself alone.

When you Think You've Hit the Ceiling

I have been working at the same job for the last year & a half.  During that time I have been struggling to balance work & school, but I have also tried to advance my station at my job.  I've been employee of the month twice & applied to for a manager position twice but to no avail.  I don't know if its all in my head or if I'm just not qualified for the position.  The cold reality is that I am not getting any younger but I just want to have a manager position on my resume before I graduate from college.  Right now I think I need to spend my time looking for a better job, something that will advance my resume until my teaching career takes off. 

Natures Cruel Irony

Today I went for a walk just like any other day, but today I stumbled upon five ducklings all huddled together in someones driveway.  They couldn't have been more than a few days old.  I would have loved to pick them up and care for them or relocate them.  But the cold reality is that I was unable to I knew that if I picked them up that they would have less of a chance to live than if I left them alone.  The truth of the matter is that since I have moved from the country to the suburbs I feel so helpless when it comes to seeing animals in need.  Some my friends would say it is survival of the fittest but I know from personal experience that is a much crueler fate for wild animals in the suburbs than it is in the country.  I hope that they survive this harsh man made world they have been brought into.